Karen Horney Part 2/4

by | Sep 20, 2022 | 0 comments

Karen Horney Part 2/4

Femenist psychologist in Birmingham

Moving Towards People

Karen Horney was a German psychoanalyst. Her career came into prominence in the nineteen
twenties when she formed theories on human attachment and neurosis that split from Freud’s
key ideas. Horney’s theory of personality development and individuation are still highly relevant
to modern theories of personality, attachment psychology and psychological trauma.
Horney observed that children deploy three different coping styles during the time they are
individuating from the mother. Ideally children learn mastery in the three different styles. In
imperfect situations infants become over dependent in one style and form a neurotic and rigid
personality style. This second part of a four part article will explore the moving towards people
personality style.
The first coping strategy that children will attempt in order to retain the connection with the
mother during individuation is to ask for help Horney called this stage moving towards people.
As infants we cry in order to make our mothers come running to our aid. If our mother’s continue
to come running to our aid for the rest of childhood however, this can impair our development as
we fail to learn to solve our own problems internally or assert ourselves. In extreme cases
where mothers will not separate from a child to allow room for experimentation with assertive

aggression or self soothing behavior the child becomes neurotic and co-dependant in the
moving towards people style.
People and characters with this level of impairment see the entire world in terms of their mother
and never learn to make their own judgements or form their own values. What would mother
think of this? That is against mother’s rules. Another force like a charismatic leader, romantic
partner or social identity may replace the actual mother at some point, but the inability to be a
separate person will remain. Persons over dependent on another person or group's ego have
no ability to self soothe without the warm glow of the surrogate mother’s approval and ability to
define rules and worth.
Horney calls this neurosis the need for affection and approval. The sense of self in people with
this personality type is incredibly diffuse as they are not able to watch others withdraw their
approval even for good reason. The psychologist Albert Ellis used to tell his patients that “It is
pathological to want to be liked by everybody all the time”. I often tell mine that “There are times
when the loving or the honest thing to do is to piss someone off”. When we cannot stand to see
our standards judged by other people it means that we cannot have a stable sense of self with
authentic standards for self worth.
This need often manifests as a form of codependency in relationships or friendships as people
try to replace the stabilizing presence of a controlling caregiver with a different set of rules and
boundaries. We learn to tolerate the anxiety of not knowing what to do and being forced to
choose early in life. When we have not been allowed to adapt to making small choices over the
life course we decompensate in the face of larger overwhelming choices about our life and
identity.
In therapy I encounter patients who have had a controlling caregiver, and a corresponding
inability to develop their own sense of identity. I start by asking them simple questions about
who they are. Patients with an underdeveloped sense of personal identity will often have no
idea what their basic preferences and beliefs are. Often they will have found an abusive partner
or a rigid social, political, or religious group to fill up the “blank” spaces in their identity with. In
healthy partnerships we are allowed to maintain our own sense of identity while still participating
in a group affiliation or romantic partnership.
I always frame the therapy with these patients as an exciting adventure that we are going on
together. We are going to discover who the patient is and who they want to become. Patients of
this coping style often will try and figure out what the therapist wants them to do and what the
“new rules” that the therapist has for their life are. Their primary fear is that they will do
something “wrong” and don't know what the “right” answers are to their life questions. I tell
patients that “You are the only best expert in how to be you”.
While the freedom and gray area of this kind of personality development therapy is initially
terrifying to patients, eventually this style of therapy becomes exhilarating as patients reconnect
to a long absent sense of self. Even though patients present to therapy blank and indifferent

about their, often abusive and traumatic history, they will start to recognize moments in the past
when they had a strong emotion or a preference that was dismissed by a caregiver or a partner.
“I was so angry that my clothes were picked out for me every day”. “I was told that good
christians don’t go to prom”.
Not all people in the moving towards people neurotic type will use a partner to try and
complete their functioning. Oftentimes I have patients with social and intellectual gifts that use
admiration, fame or envy in order to move towards people. Many people seek fame or attention,
but those with a moving towards people neurosis will not be able to function without
admiration of others. These patients are not able to determine the value or morality of their
behavior without group approval.
This is a 4 part article on Karen Horney’s theories. This is part 2 of 4.

 

Explore the Other Articles by Categories on Our Blog 

Hardy Micronutrition is clinically proven to IMPROVE FOCUS and reduce the effects of autism, anxiety, ADHD, and depression in adults and children without drugsWatch Interview With HardyVisit GetHardy.com and use offer code TAPROOT for 15% off

The Healing Power of Humor: Why Laughter Really Is the Best Medicine

The Healing Power of Humor: Why Laughter Really Is the Best Medicine

Does Humor Heal Trauma? Should my therapist be funny? In the face of life's challenges and stressors, humor and laughter can be powerful tools for promoting physical, emotional, and social well-being. From boosting the immune system to strengthening relationships, the...

Attachment Theory: Understanding Relationship Patterns and Dynamics

Attachment Theory: Understanding Relationship Patterns and Dynamics

How to Know Your Attachment Style Attachment theory, developed by psychologist John Bowlby, provides a framework for understanding how early childhood experiences shape our patterns of relating to others throughout life. By exploring attachment styles and their impact...

ADHD: Recognizing Symptoms and Seeking Effective Treatment

ADHD: Recognizing Symptoms and Seeking Effective Treatment

Do I have ADHD? Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental condition characterized by inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. While often diagnosed in childhood, ADHD can persist into adulthood, affecting daily functioning and quality...

Recognizing and Understanding Autism in Adulthood

Recognizing and Understanding Autism in Adulthood

Am I Autistic? Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects social interaction, communication, and behavior. While often associated with childhood, autism can also be diagnosed in adults. This article aims to shed light on the signs,...

The Path to Recovery: An Overview of Addiction Treatment Options

The Path to Recovery: An Overview of Addiction Treatment Options

What Type and Length of Addiction Treatment is Best? Addiction is a complex and chronic condition that requires professional treatment and ongoing support to achieve and maintain recovery. With the variety of treatment options available, it can be challenging to...

Alcohol Abuse and Addiction: Recognizing the Signs and Seeking Help

Alcohol Abuse and Addiction: Recognizing the Signs and Seeking Help

How to Know When an Alcohol User Needs Professional Help Alcohol abuse and addiction are serious mental health concerns that can have devastating consequences for individuals, families, and communities. Recognizing the signs of alcohol abuse and seeking timely help...

Harnessing the Power of Positive Affirmations for Self-Improvement

Harnessing the Power of Positive Affirmations for Self-Improvement

How to make Positive Affirmations in Therapy? Positive affirmations are simple yet powerful statements that can help to reprogram our subconscious mind, challenge limiting beliefs, and promote self-growth and improvement. By regularly repeating affirmations that align...

Schizophrenia: Dispelling Myths and Understanding the Disorder

Schizophrenia: Dispelling Myths and Understanding the Disorder

Do I have Schizophrenia? Schizophrenia: Dispelling Myths and Understanding the Complex Mental Disorder What is Schizophrenia? Schizophrenia is a severe, chronic mental disorder characterized by disturbances in thought, perception, emotions, and behavior 1. It affects...

Comprehensive Treatment Strategies for Major Depressive Disorder

Comprehensive Treatment Strategies for Major Depressive Disorder

How to get Help for Depression Major depressive disorder (MDD) is a serious mental health condition characterized by persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and a loss of interest in activities. It can significantly impact an individual's daily functioning and...

Recognizing the Signs: A Guide to Anxiety and Depression Symptoms

Recognizing the Signs: A Guide to Anxiety and Depression Symptoms

How to know if you have anxiety? Anxiety and depression are two of the most common mental health disorders, affecting millions of people worldwide. Recognizing the symptoms of these conditions is crucial for seeking timely treatment and support. This article provides...

An Introduction to Lifespan Integration Therapy

An Introduction to Lifespan Integration Therapy

What is Lifespan Integration Therapy? Lifespan Integration (LI) is a gentle, body-based therapeutic method that aims to heal without re-traumatizing. Developed by Peggy Pace, a clinical psychologist, LI is founded on the understanding that the mind-body system is...

Lifespan Integration Techniques and Protocols

Lifespan Integration Techniques and Protocols

The Basic Lifespan Integration Protocol The Basic Lifespan Integration Protocol is the foundational technique used in LI therapy. It involves guiding the client through their timeline, from birth to the present moment, while applying specific prompts and techniques to...

Lifespan Integration for Specific Mental Health Concerns

Lifespan Integration for Specific Mental Health Concerns

Lifespan Integration for Anxiety and Panic Disorders Anxiety and panic disorders are characterized by chronic, debilitating feelings of fear, worry, and unease. These feelings are often rooted in early, unresolved experiences of threat, danger, or vulnerability....

Somatic Experiencing: Myths, Misconceptions, and FAQs

Somatic Experiencing: Myths, Misconceptions, and FAQs

Somatic Experiencing and Lifespan Integration Myth: Somatic Experiencing is Just Another Relaxation Technique One common misconception about Somatic Experiencing is that it is simply a relaxation technique, akin to practices like progressive muscle relaxation or...

0 Comments

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *