Want to Be a Better Therapist? Learn How to Do an Exit Interview

Beginnings are easy; endings are hard. In psychotherapy, we spend years training on how to build rapport, assess pathology, and intervene in crisis. Yet, remarkably few clinicians are trained in how to end. Many therapists simply let treatment fade away (the “drift”), or they end with a celebratory but superficial “graduation.”

This is a missed opportunity. The Exit Interview is not just a customer service survey; it is a clinical intervention. It is the moment where the therapist models something many clients have never experienced: a relationship that ends with mutual respect, honesty, and lack of abandonment.

Therapists often avoid this process because of their own Inner Critic. We are afraid to ask, “How did I fail you?” because we fear the answer. But as Irvin Yalom notes, the therapist grows only through the “gradual accumulation of patient feedback”.

Part I: The Psychology of Feedback (Why We Need It)

Therapists fail when they refuse to admit that their specific method of reaching a patient isn’t working. We often cling to our modalities (CBT, Psychodynamic, etc.) rather than attuning to the person in the room.

1. Confronting the Shadow

Every therapist has a Shadow—blind spots in our personality that affect our clinical work. Perhaps you are too directive (The Tyrant King) or too passive (The Weakling). You cannot see your own shadow; only your patient can see it. The exit interview is the mirror.

2. The “Good Enough” Ending

Clients with Insecure Attachment often have a history of traumatic endings. Relationships end in ghosting (Avoidant) or explosion (Anxious). By conducting a calm, structured review of the relationship—including its failures—we provide a “Corrective Emotional Experience.” We show that a relationship can survive the truth.

Part II: The 10 Questions (A Clinical Deep Dive)

When I conduct an exit interview, I preface it by saying: “I can only improve if I know where I missed the mark. You are the expert on your own experience. Please be as honest as possible; you cannot hurt my feelings, you can only help my future patients.”

The Consolidation Phase (Questions 1-3)

Goal: To solidify neural pathways of success and agency.

• 1. What are the biggest takeaways you got from therapy?

  This forces the client to summarize their growth. In neuroscience terms, “neurons that fire together, wire together.” By verbalizing their gains, they are reinforcing the synaptic connections that support their new behaviors.

• 2. Do you feel like the issues you came in with have been resolved? Which were not?

  This helps distinguish between symptom reduction (e.g., less panic) and structural change (e.g., better boundaries). It also honors the reality that therapy doesn’t “fix” everything.

• 3. Were there problems resolved that you didn’t know were issues when you began?

  Often, a client comes in for anxiety but leaves having healed a Mother Wound. Acknowledging this depth builds insight and gratitude for the unconscious work.

The Critique Phase (Questions 4-7)

Goal: To repair ruptures and integrate the therapist’s shadow.

• 4. What were the hardest parts of therapy? What could I have done to make them easier?

  Therapy is painful. Validating that pain prevents the client from feeling shame about their struggle. It also tells the therapist if they were pushing too hard (violating the Window of Tolerance).

• 5. When did you feel the least safe? How could I have helped you feel safer?

  Safety is the currency of trauma therapy. If a client felt unsafe, it was likely a rupture in the alliance. Knowing this allows the therapist to adjust their presence for future trauma work.

• 6. If you could change your experience, what would you change?

  This empowers the client’s Inner King/Queen—their sense of agency and authority.

• 7. What expectations did you have that were not met?

  This addresses the “Magical Other” fantasy. Clients often secretly hope the therapist will save them. Discussing unmet expectations allows the client to grieve the “Perfect Therapist” and accept the “Good Enough Therapist.”

The Future Phase (Questions 8-10)

Goal: To bridge the gap between the clinic and the world.

• 8. What surprised you about your time in therapy?

  This often reveals the difference between the client’s misconceptions about therapy (e.g., “I thought I would just lie on a couch”) and the reality of the work.

• 9. Do you understand what interventions to continue after therapy?

  Therapy is not a car wash; it is a driving lesson. The client must leave knowing how to drive the car. Do they know how to use grounding techniques? Do they know how to recognize a trigger?

• 10. Is there anything we should have talked about that didn’t come up?

  This is the “Door Knob Confession.” Often, the most important secrets are kept until the very last second. Giving space for this ensures nothing vital is left in the shadow.

Part III: Why This Makes You a Better Therapist

The exit interview helps therapists recognize the most and least helpful parts of their own “Self System.”
If five clients in a row say, “I felt like you were rushing me,” you have a data point. You might need to examine your own anxiety about progress.
If clients consistently say, “I felt safest when you were silent,” you learn the power of holding space.

As Gelso and Hayes note, understanding our own Countertransference—our emotional reaction to the client—is essential. The exit interview is the ultimate check on countertransference.

=The Courage to Ask

Asking for feedback requires a strong ego. It requires you to be vulnerable in a position of authority. But this vulnerability is exactly what heals. It shows the client that relationships can be resilient, that authority figures can be humble, and that endings can be safe.

Explore Clinical Resources

Taproot Therapy Collective Podcast

Therapist Development

Mastering the Inner Critic

Shadow Work for Clinicians

Understanding Countertransference

Clinical Skills

Attachment Styles in Therapy

Interventions for Panic & Dissociation

Bibliography

• Yalom, I. D. (2017). The Gift of Therapy: An Open Letter to a New Generation of Therapists and Their Patients. Harper Perennial.
• Safran, J. D., & Muran, J. C. (2000). Negotiating the Therapeutic Alliance: A Relational Treatment Guide. Guilford Press.
• Gelso, C. J., & Hayes, J. A. (2007). Countertransference and the Therapist’s Inner Experience: Perils and Possibilities. Routledge.
• Quintana, S. M., & Wynne, G. H. (1983). “Adolescent-Parent Interaction in Authoritative Family Therapy: Parallels to Behaviors in the Psychotherapy Relationship.” Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, Practice, Training.

Further Reading

• Bordin, E. S. (1979). “The Generalizability of the Psychoanalytic Concept of the Working Alliance.” Psychotherapy: Theory, Research & Practice.
• Levitt, H. M., et al. (2015). “The Therapeutic Relationship in LGBT Affirmative Therapy: A Qualitative Study.” Psychotherapy Research.
• Norcross, J. C., & Wampold, B. E. (2011). “Evidence-Based Therapy Relationships: Research Conclusions and Clinical Practices.” Psychotherapy.