Subpersonalities: Understanding Their Role in Our Lives

Sidra and Hal Stone outline several important subpersonalities in their 2011 book Embracing Our Selves. These subpersonalities play significant roles in shaping our behaviors, emotions, and thoughts. Understanding these subpersonalities can help us navigate where they are aiding our growth and where they might be holding us back. Let’s delve into some common subpersonalities: the Inner Critic, the Pusher, the Vulnerable Child, and the Pleaser.

The Inner Critic

The Inner Critic is the energy pattern that constantly finds fault with us and our actions. After social interactions, it might tell us how awkward we were or how stupid our comments sounded. This subpersonality often criticizes our performance in various roles—religious, professional, social, or familial. It might resemble the critical voice of a parent or caregiver, ingrained from childhood. Recognizing and transforming the Inner Critic into an ally is crucial for reducing anxiety and depression.

Questions to Consider:

• What does your Inner Critic sound like?
• Does your Inner Critic resemble a parent, sibling, teacher, or someone you know?
• Where is the Inner Critic helping you, and where is it hurting you?

The Pusher

The Pusher is the driving force behind our actions, urging us to constantly move forward. It tells us we haven’t done enough, pushing us to clean, work, exercise, or engage in other activities compulsively. An overly active Pusher can lead to burnout and avoidance of deeper emotional issues.

Questions to Consider:

• What activities does your Pusher compel you to do?
• What might your Pusher be avoiding?
• Where in your life is the Pusher helpful, and where is it detrimental?

The Vulnerable Child

The Vulnerable Child is in touch with our deepest needs, fears, and vulnerabilities. This subpersonality wants to express its need for care and support. Often suppressed during adolescence, reconnecting with the Vulnerable Child in therapy can be a crucial part of healing.

Questions to Consider:

• How in touch are you with your Vulnerable Child?
• Are you comfortable with feelings of sadness and vulnerability?
• In what areas of your life do you feel safe enough to ask for help?

The Pleaser

The Pleaser seeks approval and cannot tolerate being disliked. It anticipates others’ needs and tries to meet them, often at the expense of one’s own needs and desires. This subpersonality can prevent us from confronting others, asserting ourselves, and living authentically.

Questions to Consider:

• Do you avoid confrontation? In which parts of your life and why?
• What are you afraid will happen if someone dislikes you?
• What parts of yourself do you neglect by seeking approval from others?

Bibliography

Books

1. Stone, H., & Stone, S. (2011). Embracing Our Selves: The Voice Dialogue Manual. Novato, CA: New World Library.
   • This book provides an in-depth look at various subpersonalities and offers strategies for integrating these parts into a balanced self.
2. Gilbert, P. (2014). The Compassionate Mind. London: Robinson.
   • Gilbert’s book explores how to cultivate self-compassion and manage inner critical voices, providing practical tools for transforming the Inner Critic into a supportive ally.
3. Horney, K. (1950). Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Toward Self-Realization. New York: W.W. Norton & Company.
   • Horney’s classic text examines the dynamics of inner conflicts and the development of various subpersonalities, such as the Pusher and the Pleaser.
4. Jung, C. G. (1969). The Archetypes and The Collective Unconscious. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.
   • Jung’s exploration of archetypes offers foundational insights into understanding the different subpersonalities that influence human behavior and mental health.
5. Schwartz, R. C. (1995). Internal Family Systems Therapy. New York: Guilford Press.
   • Schwartz’s Internal Family Systems model provides a therapeutic approach to understanding and harmonizing the various subpersonalities within an individual.

Articles

1. Crits-Christoph, P., & Mintz, J. (1991). Implications of Personality Subtypes for Psychotherapy. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 59(5), 704-711.
   • This article discusses the implications of different personality subtypes for psychotherapeutic practice.
2. Gilbert, P., & Irons, C. (2005). Focused Therapies and Compassionate Mind Training for Shame and Self-Attacking. In P. Gilbert (Ed.), Compassion: Conceptualisations, Research and Use in Psychotherapy (pp. 263-325). London: Routledge.
   • This chapter explores therapeutic approaches for dealing with self-criticism and shame, relevant to managing the Inner Critic.
3. Kabat-Zinn, J. (2003). Mindfulness-Based Interventions in Context: Past, Present, and Future. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 10(2), 144-156.
   • Kabat-Zinn’s article provides insights into how mindfulness can help individuals become aware of and manage different subpersonalities, such as the Pusher.
4. Neff, K. D. (2003). The Development and Validation of a Scale to Measure Self-Compassion. Self and Identity, 2(3), 223-250.
   • Neff’s research on self-compassion offers valuable tools for transforming the Inner Critic into a supportive voice.
5. Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are. New York: Guilford Press.
   • Siegel’s work on neurobiology and attachment provides a framework for understanding the Vulnerable Child subpersonality and its impact on emotional health.

Further Reading

1. Ellis, A. (2001). Overcoming Destructive Beliefs, Feelings, and Behaviors: New Directions for Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. Amherst, NY: Prometheus Books.
   • Ellis’s book offers practical strategies for overcoming the Pleaser subpersonality and developing healthier self-assertion.
2. Germer, C. K., & Neff, K. D. (2013). Self-Compassion in Clinical Practice. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 69(8), 856-867.
   • This article discusses the application of self-compassion in clinical settings, which is crucial for managing the Inner Critic and other critical subpersonalities.
3. Klein, M. (1984). The Psycho-Analysis of Children. London: Hogarth Press.
   • Klein’s seminal work on child analysis provides insights into the early development of subpersonalities, such as the Vulnerable Child.
4. Pennebaker, J. W. (1997). Opening Up: The Healing Power of Expressing Emotions. New York: Guilford Press.
   • Pennebaker’s research on the therapeutic benefits of emotional expression can help individuals reconnect with their Vulnerable Child.
5. Young, J. E., Klosko, J. S., & Weishaar, M. E. (2003). Schema Therapy: A Practitioner’s Guide. New York: Guilford Press.
   • This guide offers techniques for identifying and transforming maladaptive schemas, relevant to understanding and working with subpersonalities like the Pusher and the Pleaser.