How do I talk to my kids about sex?

by | Jun 15, 2022 | 0 comments

Talking with your kids about sex is one of the best things a parent can do. We know it’s protective. Kids who are knowledgeable and have a healthy, body positive sense of their own sexuality are less likely to become victims of sexual abuse in childhood.

What should I tell my kids about sex?

Children need to know the proper names for their genitals. Despite all the silly names that exists for them, children are safer when they are able to speak about them in regular terminology. Children also need to know what the genitals do. In very simple language, genitals feel good when they are touched. This is not gross or disgusting, but a fact of life. Along with the proper terms and function for genitals, children also need to know that genitals are private. Simple language is best.

How do I teach my kids about their privates areas?

Children understand the concept of sharing and it is not a stretch for most to understand that their genitals are private which means that kids don’t share them with others. They can be taught it’s ok to share them with certain safe people like parents or doctors when they need help, are getting clean or when they need medical care. Children should be taught that if another child or a grown up tries to share their genitals, that person is breaking the touching rules and that is not ok. Parents can instruct their child on what to do if someone tries to break the touching rules, like, “yell stop!” Or to scream and run for help. Most importantly, every child needs to know that their parent wants them to tell them if someone breaks the touching rules because no matter who breaks them, even if it’s someone the child or parent loves, a child needs to know it’s not ok and you want them to tell.

The language of sharing genitals and the touching rules is particularly helpful in building a foundation to talk with children about sex and sexual behavior as they grow. Questions about where babies come from can be answered with the same language. From an early age, a child can learn that when they grow up, they get to decide who and when they want to share these very special parts. They can learn that it is a decision that is too big and too heavy for a kid, no matter how smart of a kid they are. Parents can use this conversation to teach values about sexual behavior’s place in life such only with someone you love or only in a marriage. They can also teach internet safety in that we never share these special parts online or over text.

Hows do children learn about sex?

Early on, this language plants the seeds for a healthy view of sexual behavior over a lifetime. These conversations can start at young ages, well before a child enters school. A quick check in of, “did everyone follow the touching rules?” Is a great tool to keep the conversation fresh and invite dialog after new experiences once children enter school ages. For a great resource to facilitate conversations with your school aged child, check out “The Very Touching Book” by Jan Hindman. For harder conversations or if there has been a break in the touching rules, reach out to a child therapist to help heal the hurt and begin the journey to healthy sexual development for your child.

Bibliography:

Hindman, Jan. The Very Touching Book. Aletheia, 1985.

Further Reading:

American Academy of Pediatrics. “Talking to Your Child About Sex.” HealthyChildren.org, 2015. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/gradeschool/puberty/Pages/Talking-to-Your-Child-About-Sex.aspx

Büchner, Simone, and Friederike Funke. “Early Childhood Sexuality Education: A Systematic Review of Educational Elements, Outcomes, and Evaluation Strategies.” European Journal of Public Health, vol. 31, no. 2, 2021, pp. 368-376.

Duffy, Brookes. “Talking to Kids About Sexuality: A Developmental Approach.” Pediatrics, vol. 138, no. 2, 2016, e20161348.

Elgán, Cecilia et al. “Parents’ Experiences of Talking to Their Children About Sexuality and the Role of the School.” Sex Education, vol. 21, no. 2, 2021, pp. 195-208.

Finkelhor, David. “The Prevention of Childhood Sexual Abuse.” The Future of Children, vol. 19, no. 2, 2009, pp. 169–194.

Grové, Christine, and Jennifer Reardon. “Parent-Child Communication About Sexuality: A Systematic Review.” International Journal of Sexual Health, vol. 30, no. 4, 2018, pp. 330-344.

Maddock, Jim. “Talking to Children About Sexuality.” Encyclopedia of Counseling, edited by Frederick T.L. Leong, SAGE Publications, 2008.

Nolin, Mary Jo, and Kay Petersen. “Gender Differences in Parent-Child Communication About Sexuality: An Exploratory Study.” Journal of Adolescent Research, vol. 7, no. 1, 1992, pp. 59-79.

Tseng, Yu-Hsuan, et al. “Family-Based Sexuality Education for Children and Adolescents with Intellectual Disabilities: A Systematic Review.” Sexuality and Disability, vol. 38, no. 4, 2020, pp. 643-660.

 

Explore the Other Articles by Categories on Our Blog 

Hardy Micronutrition is clinically proven to IMPROVE FOCUS and reduce the effects of autism, anxiety, ADHD, and depression in adults and children without drugsWatch Interview With HardyVisit GetHardy.com and use offer code TAPROOT for 15% off

Coping with the Loss of a Beloved Pet

Coping with the Loss of a Beloved Pet

Grief, Healing, and Brainspotting for the Loss of a Pet The bond between humans and their animal companions is a powerful one. Pets provide us with unconditional love, emotional support, and constant companionship. They are a source of joy, laughter, and comfort. So...

The Enduring Relevance of Alice Miller’s Drama of the Gifted Child

The Enduring Relevance of Alice Miller’s Drama of the Gifted Child

Why Therapists Must Consciously Embrace Their Wounded Healer Role Four decades after its publication, Alice Miller's "The Drama of the Gifted Child" remains one of the most important texts for understanding both the psychology of the helping professions and the hidden...

Integrating qEEG BrainMapping into Your Clinical Practice

Integrating qEEG BrainMapping into Your Clinical Practice

Unlocking the Power of qEEG Brain Mapping and Neurostimulation: A Game-Changer for Mental Health Treatment Mental health conditions such as ADHD, autism spectrum disorder (ASD), PTSD, anxiety, and depression can significantly impact an individual's quality of life,...

Help! My College Student Needs Therapy

Help! My College Student Needs Therapy

Discover innovative mental health solutions for college students at Taproot Therapy Collective. Our comprehensive approach integrates cutting-edge treatments like QEEG brain mapping, neurofeedback, and somatic therapies with specialized support for ADHD, anxiety, trauma, and neurodiversity. With both in-person and teletherapy options available across Alabama, we provide accessible, evidence-based care tailored to the unique challenges of university life. From academic performance to emotional wellbeing, our expert therapists help students thrive during this critical developmental period.RetryClaude can make mistakes. Please double-check responses.

The Window of Tolerance: The Healing Gateway in Somatic Therapy

The Window of Tolerance: The Healing Gateway in Somatic Therapy

What is the Window of Tolerance in Psychology? In the realm of psychology and personal growth, the concept of the "window of tolerance" has emerged as a powerful framework for understanding the dynamics of stress, emotional regulation, and resilience. First coined by...

All Brains Are Awesome:

All Brains Are Awesome:

 A Kid's Guide to Neurodiversity Hey there! Did you know that everyone's brain works a little differently? It's true! Just like how some people have curly hair and others have straight hair, or some people are tall and others are short, our brains can be different...

Embracing Unique Minds in a Diverse World Understanding Neurodiversity in Children Neurodiversity refers to the natural variation in human brains and minds. In children, this can manifest as conditions like autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and others. Many children have...

Navigating Neurodivergent Burnout:

Navigating Neurodivergent Burnout:

 When the Cognitive Tank Runs Dry Understanding Neurodivergent Burnout Neurodivergent burnout is a state of physical and mental exhaustion that occurs when the demands of navigating a neurotypical world exceed an individual's resources. While burnout can affect...

Unmasking Neurodiversity:

Unmasking Neurodiversity:

The Complex Art of Hiding in Plain Sight Understanding Masking in Neurodivergent Individuals Masking, also known as camouflaging, is a common phenomenon among neurodivergent individuals, particularly those with multiple co-occurring conditions. It refers to the...

Embracing Neurodiversity:

Embracing Neurodiversity:

 Understanding and Supporting Complex Neurological Profiles The Reality of Neurodevelopmental Complexity As we've explored in our series on comorbid conditions, neurodevelopmental and neurological differences rarely occur in isolation. Whether we're discussing the...

Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome with Autism and ADHD:

Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome with Autism and ADHD:

 Navigating the Intersection of Physical and Neurodevelopmental Differences What is EDS with Autism and ADHD? Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS) is a group of connective tissue disorders that can co-occur with neurodevelopmental conditions like Autism Spectrum Disorder...

Autism and Alexithymia:

Autism and Alexithymia:

 Navigating the Complexities of Emotional Understanding What is Autism with Alexithymia? Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and alexithymia are distinct neurological conditions that frequently co-occur. Research suggests that up to 50% of autistic individuals may also...

Dyslexia and ADHD:

Dyslexia and ADHD:

 Unraveling the Complexities of Learning and Attention What is Dyslexia with ADHD? Dyslexia and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) are distinct neurodevelopmental conditions that frequently co-occur. Research suggests that up to 40% of individuals with...

Depression and Autism:

Depression and Autism:

Navigating the Intersection of Mood and Neurodiversity What is Depression with Autism? Depression and Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) are distinct conditions that can co-occur. Research suggests that individuals with autism are at a higher risk of developing...

0 Comments

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *